Tag: advice

Having impossible goals (VIDEO)

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It took me about a year of not being motivated by anything to come to the realization that I have now. While I was still in a rut, playing music wasn’t fun anymore, but I was still trying to latch onto it. The thing was, I wanted to like playing, but nothing was influencing me to actually enjoy it. What I should have focused on was my mindset at the time. I quickly realized I thought I wouldn’t be that great at what I do and it killed my motivation.

It was really hard to even find 5 minutes to practice on a good day. So, in order to combat this, I decided that my goal was to be the best musician in the world. I knew that I would probably never reach this point. The important thing is that I’ll have this goal forever. Never being able to achieve it makes me want to be the closest thing to it. You don’t have to be perfect. Be the next best thing.

How making minor daily changes to nutrition, fitness, and sleep saved my life

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A year ago today I was battling with extreme depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and addictions that came in many forms.

If you’re anything like most people, you’ve struggled with one or more of these in some form or another. This is part of the human experience that is meant to teach us but not meant for lifelong suffering.

I knew no one was going to come to save me but myself so in order to save myself I would have to make drastic in many areas of life.

Luckily, I had many years of studying fitness, nutrition and holistic ways to improve life; I just hadn’t been implementing them due to being at the lowest point in my life (mainly because of my dad being very sick with cancer and passing away from it).

I knew I had to start making good decisions not only for myself but for my family, so I’m going to share exactly how I did it. If it only helps one person out there it will be worth it.

Food/Nutrition

  • Intermittent fasting (Great for better focus, less mental fog, and more energy)
  • Protein-rich foods first meal of the day (save carbs for later meals as carbs will cause you to crash early in the day)
  • Figure out what food intolerances I have to improve mental clarity and overall health.
  • Don’t eat close to bedtime.

Fitness/Holistic life Hacks

  • Daily calisthenics workout regiment.
  • Cold showers/Ice baths (helps with stress management, anti-inflammatory, and numerous other benefits)
  • Sauna/warm bath
  • Meditation
  • Wim Hoff method
  • Journaling, writing about things you are grateful for and things you want to get done throughout the day.

Sleep

  • The Oura ring
  • Taping your mouth so you breathe out of your nose while asleep
  • No caffeine or stimulants after 2PM
  • Sleeping on the floor for deeper sleep and spinal realignment.
  • Cold shower before sleep (If you haven’t taken these before you can start with just ending your showers in cold)
  • Very dark bedroom

Supplements

  • CBD for depression and anti-inflammatory (I prefer full spectrum)
  • Magnesium before bed
  • Vitamin D in the morning

Change takes time, and implementing these habits may seem difficult at first but if you only implement a couple of these daily habits each week you will look up a month from now and realize how drastically different your quality of life has improved. I’m going to try to make some more posts like this to go in more depth over each of the topics but for now, this is a general overview of some of the things that have saved my life.

Halfway through my first one night stand, i started to regret it (NSFW)

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I’m 19 and I lost my virginity when I was 16. Been in 2 relationships and had 2 sex partners. Always wanted someone with my sex drive(it’s high), bigger than a 5-inch penis and someone who is big and masculine who would dominate me and make me feel like a woman.

So when my last relationship ended 6 months ago, I wanted to find someone to have fun with. I got a few dating apps and the game was on! So a few weeks in, I get in touch with 2 guys. It was a duo account and for me, it sounds awesome, exciting and scary.

A few weeks more and we meet for lunch. It was chill, fun and I was having loads of fun! Two big older guys, with experience, fit and the equipment was big they told me. I told them my story, what I wanted, why I wanted it and they were fine with me. I wanted it to go slow and to them to give me 100% attention and to fuck me in a few different positions.

The night came, I’ve talked to them and been with them a few times so I felt like I knew them.
So we all got nude, kissing, touching. they gave me oral, and one guy wanted to eat my ass. so I tried that too. Was actually decent.

So we started to fuck, one in doggy and the other I gave a blowjob. Here I started to feel bad. I felt like a slut, a bad one. It felt like my vagina was getting ruined and my mouth dirty. They where 7 and 7.5 inches with a good thick stick, so it was good. my body felt good, it gave me the feeling of getting fucked and I came two times. But the feeling was inside my head, stomach, and heart. I wanted to tell them its fine, I think I’m done. But me moaning and loving the dick made me not say it and just let them fuck me.

They both came inside me a few hours later, we talked and they left. Now I’m here with a terrible feeling inside me and a vagina that wants more. I’m torn and I’m not sure what I want or to think. I don’t think ONS is for me, but the sex was for me. I can’t wash the dirt off me yet I want to text them.

is it just me? yes, it is, but will it get better? is it always this hard the first time? or is ONS just not for me and long term relationships is? I know I want to explore, but I don’t? feels like I don’t know myself.

Thanks for listening

Annoying in-laws are too involved in your relationship and it’s driving you crazy

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My husband (27M) is the youngest of 3 kids (50sF and 32M) from his dad (70M) and is the only son of his somewhat-narc mom (70F). As a result, he is the golden child of both of his parents while the other two children are ignored. This actually doesn’t impact us much because of the other sibling’s life in different states, as do we. They haven’t all been together in years and I actually have never met my husband’s sister in 5 years of being together.

Anyway, we are getting ready to visit his parents for the holidays and I need help setting boundaries. He is treated like an only child and therefore when we visit their world centers around us. As the youngest of 5 siblings, I’m used to having a fair amount of alone and decompression time when I visit my family; I need that time to relax, stay happy, and get my own stuff done.

However, with his family, everything revolves around my husband and I. We wake up around 8am but his parents wake at 5. They wait for breakfast and as they are disordered eaters on very strict schedules who eat minimal food, they are starving and antsy by the time we wake up. The minute they hear us stirring they start asking through the door if we are ready for breakfast yet, and it feels so rushed.

I don’t have time to wake up and I have to be friendly and nice and immediately eat. I’m not much of a breakfast eater so this drives me little nuts. Then, they try to come with us for every minute of our day and his parents are constantly arguing with each other which gets to be so overwhelming. They also get wildly stressed out at the tiniest things (e.g. a missed turn) and it just gives me so much anxiety.

For meals, we have to plan out exactly where we are going to eat and exactly what time, every single day for every single meal. Sometimes I just want to do things with my husband and grab a bite if I get hungry without having to focus it around them. I hate the expectation that our schedules revolve around each other completely— I find it stifling and overwhelming, and it makes me dread going there.

I do love them and I think it’s important for my husband to maintain a good relationship with his parents even though their behavior towards the rest of the family is very toxic. I just don’t see how we can ever spend more than 2-3 days with them at once if everything is focused on us being together constantly.

When we’ve tried to talk to them about it, it seems like things go in one ear and out the other. For example, to stop with the demanding breakfast routine (and try to get them to stop waiting 3+ hours for us to eat when they’re extremely hungry) we tried telling them we don’t typically eat breakfast so they can go ahead and eat without us. They still waited for us and asked for four straight days if we wanted breakfast anyway, and kept persisting. And kept making comments about us not eating breakfast throughout the day.

So we begrudging sat down and continued the same routine—nothing was accomplished. Every time we’ve asked for some time to do our own thing or to spend the day running errands together, etc. it’s led to them needing to know exactly when we would be done so that we could immediately go back to being the center of attention after. I feel horribly ungrateful saying this because it’s an obviously better treatment than the siblings who get no love or attention from them, but it’s just overwhelming and I feel so suffocated!

Relationships: The Worst Thing A Woman Can do to a Man

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Men don’t go crazy unless there’s an underlying mental illness. It’s mostly because of intimate relationships and it’s troubles. Also, men are hardwired to look for solutions even when there are none and give up everything for the sake of their women, even if they’re downright evil.

A close friend of mine had this happen to him. Being in a relationship with a girl who was a little elder to him, he thought he would eventually end up with her. The girl battered his ego consistently, hurt him everyday with belittling words like ugly or repulsive. Trust me, this guy is really good looking yet here he was with someone who didn’t appreciate the things he used to do. I’ve been told he’s slept in bus stations. He travelled far to meet her and when he turned up in the city, she didn’t turned up.

The thing that really broke him was the constant flirting around with other men, in his presence. None of us can stand that shit. Here he was, still trying to get her to notice him. I can’t even start to imagine the battering my self respect would take in such situations. Yet, he stuck through. Although my question is always WHY, he couldn’t have answered it because psychologically the victim of mental/emotional abuse starts becoming dependent on the abuser. It gets hard to step away. He caught her in the club dancing with other men and she had told him the general, “I’ll be at home, sleeping.”

He has tried to cut himself. Fought with his parents, almost ran away from home and his insecurities had jacked up so much, any girl he came in contact with basically were driven away. The insecurities of a man being mentally abused are hard to take care of. They need to be addressed with utmost care. Otherwise they shatter like a thin piece of glass. His life had ended, he saw no way out of it. She made him a snarky, miserable image of his former self. Eventually, after three years he realized what she was doing to him and broke up with her completely. I’m just glad they never reached the marriage stage.

What my friend was, jerky with insecurities to what he is now, is a huge difference. He has now blossomed into a beautiful individual, knows what he wants out of himself and his relationships. When I see someone flourishing with self respect, it makes me happy. I can just watch him like that and fill myself with happiness.

Lessons People Most Often Learn Too Late in Life

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Most people follow the crowd.

They go to the same colleges everybody else goes to.

They’re applying for the same internships everybody else does.

They’re trying to land the same dream job everybody else is trying to land.

They buy the same cell phone, gadgets or whatever everybody else buys.

They want to buy houses in the same area everybody else wants to buy their houses.

They buy the same cars everybody else is buying.

So the competition gets tougher and tougher every single day. More and more people all around the globe start following the crowd. And they all want exactly the same things.

So the demand for a limited amount of jobs and assets increases every day. And with it the prices. Or the required skills for that job. The competition gets bigger and bigger. And there are no geographic boundaries to that competition any longer.

Still, most people want their kids to follow that path. They want their kids to be like them. To follow their lead. And their lead is, will and always has been to follow the crowd.

They just don’t know any better. Our parents don’t know any better. It worked for them a few decades ago. So they think it still works today. Until they realize that it doesn’t.

We follow the crowd because we don’t know any better. Because everybody told us to follow the crowd. That following the crowd will lead to a good career. A happy family. And a happy life.

Unfortunately, following the crowd got too crowded over the past few years.
It doesn’t really work anymore to just follow the crowd. It might still work for the top 1% though. But not just the top 1% of your city or country.

We’re now talking about the top 1% OF THE ENTIRE WORLD. The top 1% of the entire world wants exactly the same stuff you want. And all the others want it as well, of course. That job. That house. That happy family.

So you’re competing with all of them. And the top 1% are going to make it. They are the ones who are going to get it. They’ll get it all.

Are you among them? Are you among the top 1%? Globally? I don’t know.. whatever that top 1% might really mean. If it really means anything these days..

What I know for sure though is that I’m definitely not among them. If I’m lucky I might be a good average. That’s why I try to not follow the crowd anymore. Its gotten way too crowded. With way too many smart people.

People a lot smarter than me. I just wouldn’t be able to compete. And I don’t want to..

So I decided to not follow the crowd any longer. I decided to fill in the blanks instead. Well, first I started looking for the blanks. And then I started filling the blanks. The ones I thought needed to be filled. There’s no manual out there on how to find them. Or how to fill them.

That’s why filling the blanks is so tough. That’s why no one does it. That’s why everyone is following the crowd. To find the blanks is almost impossible. It takes many, many years to find that one blank. That one blank you might be able to fill.

It’s possible. But you need to find your blank first. And then you need to fill it.

Filling the blank happens at the intersection of finding something that nobody else is doing (or just a few people), something the world, people or corporations desperately need and something you really enjoy doing.

So is filling the blanks equal to following your passion?

No, not really. Because no one might need your passion. If you’re lucky your passion is something in need. Something people are willing to pay money for. And something no one else is doing, yet. But chances are quite slim that your passion is the same like the blank you could fill.

And once you found that blank you need to give yourself the time and permission to become really, really good at it. That’s a very important part people like to ignore.

And while you’re trying to become really, really good at it you shouldn’t quit your day job.You shouldn’t quit your day job if you didn’t check all of the above boxes. Or you should. I don’t know you. I don’t know what works for you and what doesn’t.

So instead of following the crowd, instead of competing with the crowd, try to find the blank you could fill. And once you found it, start filling it. Until you’ve become so good at it that it might pay the bills one day.

Maybe it will never pay the bills. And if it never does, you can still try the other stuff..

5 Lessons People Most Often Learn Too Late in Life

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  1. Life is short. Everyone knows the end is inevitable but few realize how close we are the day we are born. Realizing “Life is Short” will promote the appropriate sense of urgency. Start your bucket list at birth if you want to complete it. You only have one life and there’s not much time left in it.
  2. Get it Done Young. The sooner you accomplish your goals, the longer you can reap the rewards. Graduating college at 40 leaves fewer years to enjoy the salary increase. Buying a house young, pay it off earlier. Children, the sooner you have them the more time you get with them.
  3. Take Care of Your Body. The aging process will wreak havoc on your body regardless. Don’t assist the process with bad habits like smoking, drinking, overeating and avoiding exercise.
  4. Start Saving Money Early. Compound interest is your best friend but you have to start early to make it work. The Concept Of Compounding. If you save $50 per month at age 21, with a modest 5% interest rate, you will have about $80,000 at age 60. If you start at 39, you will have half as much.
  5. The Things that Matter Most Won’t for Long! This is a hard lesson. That band you start at 18 will be forgotten by age 25. That company you devote your life to will lay you off at the drop of a hat. I cannot stress enough this lesson. That BMW will eventually be worthless. When you are 50 it will not matter what you drove at 35. You cannot buy enough stuff that doesn’t matter to make you happy. Try to make every decision after answering, “Does it REALLY matter?”

The Lowest Point of My Life

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There are few things that can qualify for this, but I am going to talk about the time with my friend Anshu Gupta, in the first year of our college life.

This is not a eulogy, don’t consider it to be one, because I am sure he won’t like it.

Let me begin from the start, I knew Anshu from standard 10th and we became good friends in class 11. He was a brilliant, cheerful, and most of all humble guy with the worst handwriting in the world. I have had people tell me that my writing is illegible, but he was certainly much worse than me, which made me feel slightly better. He was a skilled right winger, and a good batsman/bowler. There was nobody that I knew till then who was as good at mathematics as he was. We would ask him, “Hey, Anshu what is the 24th root of 196 to two decimal places”, and he would work it out in less than a minute. Correctly. He was full of optimism. We were all prepping for JEE and I asked him, once when we were studying together, what would happen if we didn’t get selected? He replied, “We’ll try next year”. I asked what if we didnt get selected the next year too. And he laughed at me and said, ” C’mon! ANYONE can get selected in 2 years, don’t underestimate yourself.” That was the kind of person that he was.

I clearly remember the first time he fainted on the football field. Hauntingly so, it was I who tackled him. I also, being the idiot that I was (and am), boasted of the fact that I had caused him to lose consciousness. I didn’t know then that those words would come back to torture me someday.

I remember the time we all went to Campion school for our Brilliant Tests and the desperately fought football matches during the lunch time between tests. I remember the fights and the discussions regarding football and practically everything that exists on this planet. I remember his most oft-repeated lines, the tunes of “Roobaroo” the Rang-Dey-Basanti song(his favorite) and his unrhythmic rendition of it that we all used to make fun of, I remember the celebration when we all found out we were all going to be in IIT Kharagpur. I keep remembering and the memories keep coming… they are rich in detail and almost make me forget the loss.

Anshu was at NSS camp where he played cricket on a hot summer day.
He collapsed as he had done so many times before as well. There was no emergency services for miles.  I remember the day as never before now. The frantic phone calls from friends , the running to B.C.Roy Hospital  and trying to get things organised ,watching him being carried inside, trying to scream some life into him, trying to talk to his father while everybody else around me was hysterical. He survived long enough to be taken to the hospital at IIT Kharagpur and we watched from the window to the OR as the doctors tried to revive him, in vain.

Have you ever have had a cracker explode too near your ear? The whole inside of your brain goes numb and there is a strange solemn silence among the chaos.  Like a spear that has been thrust so fast and true, that the pain is still to come. Like ice and fire.

I know my pain is nothing as compared to what his family and relatives may have felt. Maybe I had not even felt a fraction of there suffering. I know this, that was the day I lost a very good friend. A friend I would have had for life. A friend I would have gladly been there for.

Often, in times of despair, the thought occurs, could I have done something to save him, I ask and I ask and I keep asking; but there is no answer. Could he have done something to save himself, again there is that numbing silence.

That was one of the lowest points of my life.

May the Almighty give peace to his soul.
May the Almighty give peace and solace to his family.
Amen

What is Something Men Need to Understand?

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1.) There is ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME in showing emotions, men cry too.

2.) There is NO CORRELATION whatsoever between having a college degree and being successful in life, the latter requires more than just acing your subjects.

3.) Choose someone NOT JUST on the criteria of physical attraction. Lust fades, love steadies itself, what makes a long-term relationship work is mutual compatibility and trust.

4.) SPEAK UP if you are a victim of male sexual abuse. Admitting it won’t make you less of a man. There’s a reason prison jokes exist!

5.) The sooner you meet people outside of your traditional circles, the faster you realize just how cruel the world is. IT WILL STEEL YOURSELF for the future.

6.) KEEP IMPROVING yourself. Stop comparing yourself with others. Be content with what you have.

7.) NEVER MAKE A DECISION because of societal / family / peer pressure, do it only if it appeals to you. (the whole world be damned!)

8.) GROOM YOURSELF. And look how your immediate society’s behaviour towards you changes.

9.) INSULTING OTHERS (often stemming from juvenile bullying) who are different from you won’t make you butch. Better be known as the guy who gets along with everyone, despite differences.

10.) SPEAK UP AGAINST INJUSTICE. Be known as the man who knows how to take a stance against anything wrong. Be known for your moral code and integrity.

11.) NEVER BORROW MONEY. Be a self-made man. Live your life according to your financial standards, and be happy with the smaller things of life.

12.) MAKE YOUR MARK. Walk, and in turn inspire many, to walk down the perilous path of life successfully. Try doing something worthwhile for others, so that people remember you fondly when you are gone.

My Marriage is Ruined

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I met my wife when we were both young. I married the first woman I fell in love with. I knew at the time we started dating that we were incompatible, but it didn’t stop us from getting together, because (a) I truly believed there was nobody else in the world who was like me and would be compatible with me, (b) we both believed that if you love someone you have to be with them, and (c) true love overcomes everything, right? Right? Isn’t that what Disney movies with talking animals say?

When we got together, she wanted a traditional monogamous relationship. I am not monogamous, and have never been in a monogamous relationship. She knew that, but we tried anyway.

So we had a relationship where we could both have outside lovers (and did; she had other partners too) but only with strict rules. She said I was not allowed to love someone else, I could not do things like spend the night with another lover or make commitments to another lover, and so on.

You know, all the things that naive, inexperienced, insecure couples do when they try to open a relationship.

The problem? I didn’t realize that you can’t pass rules on feelings (if that worked, why not just pass a rule saying “nobody is allowed to feel insecure”? Derp.)

More importantly, I never thought about how that disempowers other people, how profoundly it objectifies them, and how hurtful it is to them. It reduces them to the status of walking sex toys, tells them their feelings don’t matter, and tells them that they can never have a voice in what they share with me.

Which is really fucked up, and it’s why, when I speak and teach, I advise people “never date or get involved with couples that have these rules.”

I hurt other people, who became attached to me (as people often do when they have sex) only to have the door slammed in their face, and to be told their feelings don’t matter.

It took me way longer than it should have to see how I was hurting other people, something I still regret to this day. Finally, when I did see it, I could not in good conscience continue to do it and still look at myself in the mirror.

My wife and I tried to find a new foundation to build our relationship on, but by that point we had 18 years of history, and a history of dealing with problems and insecurities by passing rules leaves a relationship brittle and weak.

She had spent that eighteen years truly believing that I didn’t really want to be with her and that I would leave her when I found someone “better.” Having a partner who truly believes, year after year, that your love isn’t real and you secretly want to leave is soul-killing.

So I asked for a divorce.

We are not close any more, but we are still friendly and do talk to each other from time to time.