Halfway through my first one night stand, i started to regret it (NSFW)

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I’m 19 and I lost my virginity when I was 16. Been in 2 relationships and had 2 sex partners. Always wanted someone with my sex drive(it’s high), bigger than a 5-inch penis and someone who is big and masculine who would dominate me and make me feel like a woman.

So when my last relationship ended 6 months ago, I wanted to find someone to have fun with. I got a few dating apps and the game was on! So a few weeks in, I get in touch with 2 guys. It was a duo account and for me, it sounds awesome, exciting and scary.

A few weeks more and we meet for lunch. It was chill, fun and I was having loads of fun! Two big older guys, with experience, fit and the equipment was big they told me. I told them my story, what I wanted, why I wanted it and they were fine with me. I wanted it to go slow and to them to give me 100% attention and to fuck me in a few different positions.

The night came, I’ve talked to them and been with them a few times so I felt like I knew them.
So we all got nude, kissing, touching. they gave me oral, and one guy wanted to eat my ass. so I tried that too. Was actually decent.

So we started to fuck, one in doggy and the other I gave a blowjob. Here I started to feel bad. I felt like a slut, a bad one. It felt like my vagina was getting ruined and my mouth dirty. They where 7 and 7.5 inches with a good thick stick, so it was good. my body felt good, it gave me the feeling of getting fucked and I came two times. But the feeling was inside my head, stomach, and heart. I wanted to tell them its fine, I think I’m done. But me moaning and loving the dick made me not say it and just let them fuck me.

They both came inside me a few hours later, we talked and they left. Now I’m here with a terrible feeling inside me and a vagina that wants more. I’m torn and I’m not sure what I want or to think. I don’t think ONS is for me, but the sex was for me. I can’t wash the dirt off me yet I want to text them.

is it just me? yes, it is, but will it get better? is it always this hard the first time? or is ONS just not for me and long term relationships is? I know I want to explore, but I don’t? feels like I don’t know myself.

Thanks for listening