As a pastry chef, I hate when people ask me to make these. So I thought I’d take a moment to commemorate my feelings 🙂

1. It’s a waste of my time. Why not get something from the supermarket? Your infant is not going to know the difference.
2. It’s a waste of my ingredients. We use things like real vanilla bean, local dairy, farm eggs– pretty high-quality stuff to decorate a high chair and the floor around it.
3. Since no one’s going to actually eat it, mombies don’t want to pay regular cake prices. But also don’t want to just get a cheap one from the grocery store, and instead expect me to spend an hour decorating a handcrafted cake for $12 because “it’s for a baby.”
4. I don’t need to hear stories about your infant.
5. I don’t need to see pictures of it.
6. I really don’t need to be tagged in pictures of the aftermath on Facebook I mean FFS people, lol.
7. Great here come all her mombie friends wanting a copycat cake for their baby to smash with their gross frosting-covered hands, I’m running out back someone just tell them I’m busy that day.
8. Wait did I end up on some sort of local mommy message board?
9. Can I do this in pink with sprinkles but without sugar I don’t like my baby to have sugar.
10. On a lake, in the woods, I sit across from my love, enjoying our childfree retirement. A pigeon descends, and I see a small strip of paper tied haphazardly to its leg. “oH dO YoU dO sMaSh cAkEs?”